And writing...and writing.

Lots of articles to turn in, and nearly done with my queue.

Analog rejected my short fiction piece.

Now, if only I weren't getting sick.  Bleargh.

Tags: sick, writing.
Current Location: Cedar Falls, Earth. Regrettably
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: None. Too distracting.

From CNN:

The groups report described largely anonymous claims by scientists that their findings at times at been misrepresented, that they had been pressured to change findings and had been restricted on what they were allowed to say publicly.

The survey involved scientists across the government from NASA and the Environmental Protection Agency to the department's of Agriculture, Energy, Commerce, Defense and Interior. In all the government employees more than 2,000 scientists who spend at least some of their time on climate issues, the report said.

(Earlier in the piece, they state that 2/5th of 279 respondents from a survey claimed that the government was "leaning on them" to give favorable results.)

Now, my own biases:

I believe climate change is happening.  Furthermore, it's happening on Mars and on Jupiter and even on Pluto.  Which implies that it's caused by something other than SUVs.  There's also data showing that stellar outputs have increased by close to 0.1% since data started being recorded in the '70s, 

I think that an uncontrolled experiment in dumping greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere is profoundly unwise.

I also think that the way this issue gets reported is criminal.

Bush gets blamed for not signing the Kyoto Accords.  Clinton didn't sign it either.  Neither signed it because it was voted down 99 to 0 in the Senate, and it takes Senatorial approval to sign a treaty for the United States.

Of the countries that signed the Kyoto Accords, NOT ONE OF THEM has met their targets for CO2 emissions.  Germany's CO2 levels have gone up 20% since signing the accords, France has gone up 15%, and both of them know that if they abide by the accords, they can take their economies, wipe their asses with them and throw them away.

China's CO2 output has grown to levels comparable to the US's and is not a signatory of the accord.

What happens if we signed it and did it?  Lots of people go unemployed.  Entire manufacturing sectors cease to exist in the US.  We export STILL MORE jobs overseas.

This is pure partisan politics.  The assertion is that the government is hiding documents that prove that the global warming issue is going to Doom Us All, and two representatives (D-Waxman most prominently) insists that he KNOWS they exist, and this perfidy is being done to insert DOUBT into the science of global warming.

Science is about doubt.  It's about doubting and running experiments to check your hypothesis.

But back to the survey of scientists.

So, 40% of 275 scientists claim they had their papers edited into falsification before publication.  That's 111 papers, all of which have been published in journals.  Most of these papers have co-authors, so if they want to remain anonymous, they can.

All it takes is a side-by-side comparison of the originally submitted paper and the version published.  Surely not every last one of these scientists claiming missattribution has lost their original paper?  Surely they can be used to print a dissenting voice, along with data sets for replicability?

Oh, wait, publishing your data sets isn't required in climate science.  CF Mann, et al. 

So, why have none of them published a before-and-after comparison?  Not ONE?  I guarantee you, a media machine that can produce An Inconvenient Truth can make a lot of hay out of before-and-after edits.

Oh - and 2006 was one of the quietest hurricane seasons on record.  As was 2003 and 2004.  Why is it that 2005 is conclusive proof that global warming is here, it's real and it's killing people, when the other data referents are not?

Tags: climate change
Current Location: Cedar Falls
Current Music: My Clown's On Fire

 So, in my perambulations around the Intahrwebberness, I've run across a greater incidence of "end of the world" memes of late - the SUVs are destroying the planet, George Bush is the AntiChrist, Global Warming Will Doom Us All, the NSA Is Spying On You, the Democrats Are Eating Your Liberties, The Republicans Want Everyone (Men Included) Barefoot And Pregnant.

And on and on and on.

Which got me thinking.  Not all of these statements can be true.  In fact, many are directly contradictory.

Yet, there are people who adhere to these as they do not adhere to their love of God, or anything else in the world - even while persisting in continuing the behaviors that they claim doom them in the first place.

To me, this seems that the doom-peddlers are peddling something other than doom.  They're peddling "Here's a simple explanation for all the things in your life that you can't control."  In some ways, it's "physics envy" - physics is built around the assumption that if you ask enough questions, you'll get to a discrete answer set and be able to model everything.  It seems to break down with quantum mechanics...but it's the basic precept of physics.

The doom peddlers are preaching that "Life is so complicated right now that it's unsustainable!  Don't worry, we'll go back to a simpler hunter-gatherer society soon when the world collapses!"

Or, more prosaically, "The Man has got you down!  It ain't your fault, it's them nasty people in their SUVs/Democrats/Republicans/Evil Corporations.  And when society ends, they're gonna Get It, and Hard."

Which makes me go "Huh."  This is a message that doesn't appeal to me in any of its permutations.  Society is made up of individuals.  Individuals have complex motives and whims that they follow for no reason whatsoever.  En mass, you can predict a direction - a vector - rather than individual events.

The predictions I see:

Medical advances will continue - regardless of the jihad against stem cell research, it's going to be done, and once it generates positive press through therapeutic results, there's going to be a clamor for it.

Society is going to get more complex.  I don't believe in the Vingean  Singularity, but I do believe that we're on the verge of a productivity gain comparable to going from agrarian socieities to the industrial age, as automatic production finally achieves the Marxist ideal of putting the means of production in the hands of the people.  There will be a huge societal upheaval, as people who take validation from what they DO, rather than who they are, or who their relationships define them to be get functionally displaced.

One can make an argument that the Puritan work ethic is important to society.

So, I ask you the following:

If society were wealthy enough that it could afford to pay you the equivalent purchasing power of 60K a year without having to do anything other than surf the web to get it, what would you do with your life? 

I know a lot of people who have me on their friends page would probably devote themselves to crafty stuff - handicrafts, making garb for the SCA.   Organic faming perhaps.

I'd still be doing games, because I enjoy writing them.  I expect people who do video games would still do them, but might have to treat their cubical help a bit better.

Would you let society intrude on your life for that 60K a year?  More so than social security numbers do?

Tags: philosophical ramblings
Current Location: Cedar Falls
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Concrete Blonde - Everybody Knows

So, right now it's better for Ad Astra Games if we can minimize some expenses while we pay off some new equipment.  We bought a color laser copier with networking capabilities, and it scans, prints color, collates, duplexes and does everything but the dishes (and you can probably get an attachment that does that - there's one that makes center staple booklets as well.)

What this means is that Ad Astra is no longer paying my monthly expenses.  Now that I've run down a number of credit card debts by brute force, it's remarkable how little money it takes to keep me in a heated apartment with electricity and minimal groceries. 

Regardless, if the company doesn't have to pay that to me, it can make faster payments on the loan covering the new spiffy hardware we bought.

Through a tangental contact - someone I'd met on an online RPG - I found a couple of sites that buy freelance writing, and pay for it.  Quickly.  Now, this isn't high art.  This is "churn it out" web content for article banks trying to game the relevance algorithms on search engines so that they direct traffic to affiliate sites.

I started on this on the 28th of December.  First week, made 100 bucks.  Second week, made about 275 bucks.  So far this week I'm on track to do 250+.  Which, for work that takes time slices that add up to 3-4 hours a day, usually while I'm waiting for something else to happen, isn't bad.

Hell, if I had one of those gigs (like desk clerk at a hotel) where my job is to keep an eye on the front door and otherwise keep myself amused, this could be a cute way to build up some extra income.  As it is, it's sufficient to meet my needs, and will let me retire some other debts quickly.

Only drawback is that when you're churning out 14,000 words a week, it takes a toll on my wrists and right elbow and shoulder.  Need to find a slightly taller chair, or eventually splurge on a real desk with adjustable keyboard tray, rather than a 5' trestle table.

I also got off my ass and submitted a short fiction piece to Analog.

I guess this means I'm an actual writer, now.

If anyone wants to get in on this freelance article churn business, the place I work through pays on time and reliably.  Post a comment.

(Given that I've never collected a comment on this blog before, I don't expect to see any now...) 

Tags: work, writing
Current Location: Cedar Falls
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Aplificata, Broadside Electric

Well, it's been a month since the "I love you, but this isn't working..." conversation with C.  Since then, I've made progress on four projects (amazing what trying to keep busy to avoid the "hole in your emotional space" will do.)

Since then, we've mostly had awkward conversations, or conversations where she tells me about her life, or ones where she clams up when I talk about mine.  I'm seeing that the person I was told I was being jealous of, "with no reason to worry" is moving, or has moved, into the place in her heart I once occupied...and while it doesn't hurt as badly as it did, it still hurts.  He seems to be bypassing a lot of the roadblocks C and I had, with regards to trust issues, and she seems to be more willing to make compromises to accomodate a relationship.  (Or maybe not, I only hear the bits in her LJ, not the actual conversations themselves; this may, and likely is, the imp of jealousy and self doubt nattering in my ear, the one that says "see, I told you so..." 
Case in point - I was told I had no reason to feel insecure, because he wasn't poly, and that was a firm and fast requirement.  Apparently, she's willing to step outside of polyamory to have a relationship with him, much the same way I tried polyamory to have a relationship with her.

I know that eventually I'll get over this...but, at times, it's difficult.  I don't feel like I've got too many people to talk to about this, to validate feelings.  And there's only a so much chasing these things 'round in my head I can do, and only so much "throw myself into work to distract myself" that I can do.  

It was my first try at polyamory.  And yeah, I know, most monamorous relationships also go "boom".  

Things I learned - I was comfortable with the guys in her existing network.  I didn't feel too much like I was having to compete with them.  Indeed, I was feeling like I was crowding them out by monopolizing C's time.  I did get jealous of G (the new SO, now) when she'd leap into his lap, or kneel beside him to let him pet her hair.

I was not comfortable with C in social situations, where any attempt on my part to act like a couple in front of her friends was met with passive-aggressive behavior.  Eventually, I learned that when it came to C, initiation of contact, or even conversations, had to be on her terms, and no one else's.

Which was an awful lot of trust issues springing up from a woman who you're intimate with.

I found it maddening to be shown things C needed and wanted, things I was willing to do for her, and be told "no, not you." 

And lest this seem like a gripe fest...it's not.

I do regret that it didn't work - that there weren't more long walks and interesting conversations when I was in Urbana.  That there were more "crashing through boundaries".  That there was me swallowing my discomfort in hopes that things would turn out better, and less confrontation of issues before they festered...

But...there are also some magical moments in there; places where beliefs and values link up.  Places where, at times, I truly felt connected, that I had a soul mate.  There are moments of C blinking and giving an utterly dazzling smile, of her leaning over for random bits of affection.  Of seeing her just being herself, and being relaxed, not on the defensive, just at peace...where she'd win my heart over again with a turn of her head.  

Or long conversations about anything at all.  Attempts to get my fingers to work on the neck of a guitar, attempts to get me to tap out 7s with percussion.  Listening to new music and going "Oooh!"

I miss cuddling on the couch, and having someone lay next to me in bed.

And even if it hurts now, I do not regret having any of this experience.  Should the opportunity present for another dance on the card, I'd take it -- though I'd ask some questions before going in.

1) What do I need to do to gain your trust, since you harbor it so dearly?
2) What assurances, from your side, do I have that we're not going to fall into the same nasty feedback loop, where you show the hurt, I try and comfort, and get my entrails ripped out for trying?  How have you dealt with these issues?
3) What aspects, and actions, do you and I share as a couple?  What things can I assert in the relationship that are uniquely ours?    

C, I love you dearly - and if you read this, I'm sorry for subjecting you to my internal monologuing.  May you find that inner peace and tranquility you're seeking.

Tags: relationships
Current Location: Cedar Falls
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Mozart

So, one of the aspects of a project I've been working on has been gnawing at the back of my brain for a week:

How to reward players for acting like characters in the Big Damned Finale scenes of genre fiction and film in an RPG context.

Most of the Big Damned Finale scenes in RPGs look like this:

"Hi, I use my plus 17 sword of weasel whacking to kill the Big Ass Dragon!"

"Um, OK, I was hoping for a more evocative plan.  What's everyone else doing?"

"I hit it with a lightning bolt!"

"I pepper it with arrows!"

"I'm ready to heal anyone who gets hurt!"

So, the Big Damned Finale Scene usually turns into "Everyone uses the optimum tactics for the rule set being used."  Which encourages player teamwork, and sometimes, character teamwork...but falls apart when your RPG engine isn't tactical at all.

I think I've managed to build a reward structure such that there will be the Focal Point character, who's trying to win the engagement, and the Supporting Cast characters, who are A) working at making the plan happen, and B) can be faced with truly horrible choices - what do they sacrifice to make the mission succeed?

Tags: game design, games
Current Location: Cedar Falls, IA
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: My Clown's On Fire - No Pain For Cakes

http://www.calc5.com/ is a web based graphing calculator.

And for the slighlly more retro crowd...

http://www.taswegian.com/TwoHeaded/UniVirtual/UniVirtual.html

http://www.bpdcentral.com/support/stories_nonbpd.shtml#jekyll So many of the stories I read on that page resonated with me.   Many of them are letters that I composed in my head, but never jotted down; a lot of the feelings described were pretty...yeah. I'm responsible for my own happiness, and my own sense of self.  Not my department to validate anyone else's self-image at the expense of my own mental health. I look forward to meeting the person who comes out of this.  I think we'll have a lot to talk about.

Tags: relationships.
Current Mood: Concerned

So, visited Carol for two weeks, and we learned a lot. Much of it is "Hmm, that isn't working...", but not all of it. Some very pleasant memories were made. Will plan on doing it again when situations warrant.

Got a fair bit of writing done, David did some approvals that were hanging fire, and I got progress made on some contracts we've been trying to get moving.

Also worked on a game design while I was down there; we're about at the point where I need to throw things on the table and see if all our careful bits and pieces actually work, which is the scary making part of designing a game.

Three essays redone by 5 PM. Roughly 1500 words all told. Two art specs approved, and rewrote a rule in another product as my "blow off steam" moment.

Tried to set up a computer at the office, so that I could work from there, with fewer distractions, but we lack a network cable.

Trying to motivate myself to write more tonight, but I'm feeling kind of manic (which I can usually tell by the fact that I'm snappish at people and talk waaaaay too fast, and get frustrated with folks who can't keep up.)

Anyway, trying to turn that into words I get paid for rather than words in the live journal.

Current Mood: manic
Current Music: Concrete Blonde: Everybody Knows